Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
