You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
