Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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