shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She's the barista slut.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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