i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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