Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
