You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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