You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
