God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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