i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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