so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
