She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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