you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
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