I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
