she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
