is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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