Soap is not a condiment
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
