Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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