u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
