I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
