If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
