Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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