I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
