just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So much rum. So many feels.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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