i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
