the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
