Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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