I accidentally had phone sex last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
