i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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