soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
