the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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