The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
