I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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