why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
even my farts smell like vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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