I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
