i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
