I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The Olympian is in my bed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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