1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
