yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
