i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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