I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
