the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
