Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
