He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
