New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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