Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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