how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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