Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
