if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We had sex on a dog bed..
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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