Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
