She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
