You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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