I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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