Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
