the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
