There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
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Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.