I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
