If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize