I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
