There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize