The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Michael Bay diarrhea
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
