whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
