You made me cry and you don't even care
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize