I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
