dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
