so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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