Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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