Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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