i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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