Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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