just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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