He is an equal opportunity slut.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
ttyl tear gas
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just gargled with NyQuil
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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