And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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