Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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