what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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