He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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