I wish i was in the wii world.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
