Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
