3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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