I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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