Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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