I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
