Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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